Canadian Paratrooper in Hot Water for Cracking Open a Cold One During Airborne Op

An unnamed Canadian paratrooper has come under fire for cracking open a cold one on the job. What’s this world coming to when a man can’t enjoy a Miller Lite while slowly descending to earth under the privacy of his own canopy?

Late last week, a now-viral video began circulating on various social media platforms. It depicts a Canadian paratrooper gently gliding over a lake in Petawawa, Ontario, enjoying a brew and saying simply, “The government,” as he shakes his head in presumed, and very understandable, disapproval.

Anyone who’s ever served in the military knows exactly what this guy’s talking about. We’re with you, brother. *Opens second 12-pack of the day*

Canadian National Defense spokesman Dan Le Bouthillier said Saturday that an investigation into the incident has been initiated and that the soldier in the video left the Canadian military on Sept. 1.

“The conduct of the soldier is completely inappropriate, unsafe and not in accordance with Canadian Army safety static line parachute procedures,” said Le Bouthillier, sounding like a real buzzkill. “It is important to note that the code of service discipline still applies to retired members for breaches that occurred while serving.”

This Canadian paratrooper living his best life pic.twitter.com/pBxiFeEtmr
— Task & Purpose (@TaskandPurpose) September 2, 2022

Look, we don’t condone drinking on the job, but let’s be real about what this is: a case of wounded national pride. Had the paratrooper opened up a bottle of Labatt Blue, for example, there would be no scandal. His mistake was drinking Miller Lite. But can we blame him? No. Labatt Blue is basically just Canadian toilet water.

Although we don’t have a complete picture at this time, it appears as though the soldier may have been on his way out of the military and wanted to commemorate his last jump in a silly/special way. We all had similar ideas when we were in, but very few of us actually acted on them when the time came. For example, I planned on taking a dump on the commander’s desk the day I ETS’d, but ultimately didn’t because I couldn’t. It’s tough to poop under that sort of pressure. Moving on.

Regardless of the context, was this a smart stunt for a soldier to pull in uniform? No. There’s no arguing that. The real question is should this guy catch heaps of shit and be subject to punitive action now that he’s out of the military? The answer to that is a resounding no.

It was a light beer, Canada. Settle down.

Eric Miller

Eric Miller is a former staff writer for Coffee or Die Magazine. He served as a combat medic in the Army and hails from Parkersburg, West Virginia. He holds a bachelor’s degree in history and has worked with homeless populations and veteran services throughout the state. He is an avid outdoorsman and has recently become interested in woodworking.